|Sauron was awarded, in part,|
for his breakthrough in low-carbon
lighting, as exhibited here.
"This is the first time a Nobel Prize has been awarded to an individual from the mortality-challenged community," noted Svein Eriksen, spokesman for the committee. "We regard this as an historical gesture, which we hope will help integrate the so-called 'undead' and the still living, overcoming centuries of unwarranted bias against zombies, werewolves, vampires and the like."
In a spectacular display of technical and engineering inventiveness, sponsored in part by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, Sauron lowered temperatures more than 7 degrees C across Gondor, the Rohan, and surrounding regions, some 35,000 square miles in all, over several days. Some critics contend that this achievement was more than matched during the Medieval Great Darkness (MGD), but after the recent rampage by ent terrorists, no one was able to take any tree samples for comparative purposes.
|Inside sources suggest that the White Witch|
may have been passed over again
due to accusations of exploiting
|A Dark Rider, exhibiting the manuevering skills of|
his low-carbon footprint mount. (With darkened clothing
to enhance solar heating.)
Furthermore, it was noted in the report that the Eye of Sauron illuminates hundreds of miles without producing much heat, from decaying biomass, presumed to be prisoners.
In response to complaints about Mordor's past military involvements, Eriksen replied with a trace of scorn in his voice. "Barack Obama? Henry Kissinger? Yasser Arafat? Teddy Roosevelt? People -- or unpeople, let us remain inclusive -- often have a history before they turn over a new leaf. We welcome such changes of heart -- not to imply that winners must possess a traditional circulatory system to be considered."
Mr. Smeagol Gollum remarked, in a prepared speech, "Well that is just precious."