Fisherman Reports Rift Between Trump, Jeffress

Robert Jeffress and Donald Trump

Baltimore, Maryland.  Local fisherman Ronald Breamsport claims he overheard a conversation early morning on the Fourth of July off Annapolis, in which presidential candidate and reality TV star Donald Trump implored Dallas pastor Robert Jeffress to cease supporting his political campaign.

"I looked up from straightening out my fishing tackle after a beer or two, and this hot little speedboat was bearing down on me.  I could read the name -- MV Some Like it REALLY Hot.  These two fellows were arguing so loudly they didn't even notice me -- it was like I was invisible, or something.  I throttled up and got out of the way just before they ran me down."

Breamsport notes that he recognized the passengers of the boat from television.  

"One had this bright orange hair, and was doing most of the talking.   I recognized Donald Trump.  The other was that preacher from Dallas who is always on the O'Reilly show.  I had my cell phone out, so I recorded the conversation.

"'But you can't vote for me!'  Said Trump.  'I've had lots of affairs!  How does that look for a Christian pastor, publicly supporting almost the most profligate candidate for president, ever?'

"'Jesus forgives you!'

"' But I run places that bilk people out of their money!  I sell vice for a living!  We have strip joints in some of them!'

"Doesn't matter!"

"I lie constantly!  You can never trust anything that comes out of my mouth."

"That's all right."

"But I blaspheme!  I mock the lame and preach getting revenge against anyone who crosses you, not love and forgiveness!"

"I don't mind."  

"Gosh, look -- I'm a megalomaniac!   I never ask God for forgiveness, I name everything for myself, and brag constantly, because I have an ego as big as the great outdoors, like all the worst tyrants in the Old Testament that God judged!"

"I still love you."  

Mr. Breamsport then says he witnessed a scene that "Will stay with me the rest of my natural life."  Mr. Trump seize his coiffure on the top of his head and pulled, and two shiny red horns emerged from the skull underneath.   A red, snake-like hook began waving in the air behind Mr. Trump, while lightening crashed and thunder roared in dark clouds that swirled ominously above their heads.  

"But you CAN'T vote for me!"  Trump yelled in exasperation.  "I'm the frickin anti-Christ!"  

"Well, nobody's perfect!" Pastor Jeffress replied with what Mr. Breamsport characterized as a "goofy grin."  

The boat then raced behind a large yacht and was lost to sight.  

When contacted, a spokesman for the Trump campaign responded by saying, "I don't think the American people will prefer the devil they know over the devil they don't know, when the former is behind bars, if you catch my drift."