Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Another dog for Romney

Hello!  My name is Jake!  I live in the little house with the big fence around it, about a rabbit's run from the river with the waterfall.  (My masters can't hear the waterfall from here, but I can a little, when the wind comes from the mountains.)  We also have lots of fruit trees, a grape vine, vegetables, and strawberries, which I never touch, unless my masters first pick them, then throw them at my feet under the kitchen table.  Then everything is delicious, except the lettuce.

I live with four masters: Chief Running Master, Medium Master, Little Master, and the Woman.  (Little Master is not so little, anymore, but that's what I call him, and I haven't thought of a new name, yet.)

All the humans have been talking about "pole ticks" (the doctor gave me a shot for that, I think) and the "lekshun" lately, and asking about the dog's perspective.  Some say a Pubcan named Romney put his dog on the roof of his car and drove him to Canda.  At first I thought I hope he wins and takes me, next time -- Running Master leaves me at home when he drives to Canda, and never lets me ride on the roof.  Others say a Dumb Cat named Obama ate dog on some island across the Wavy Water.  He was just a pup, so I forgive him for that.  But I hear all about the two candits on TV, while Running Master is cooking dinner, and would like to offer my opinion, since I guess its important to you.  I always listen carefully to what humans say, so I hope you listen to my views, this time. 

I would like to endorse Mitt Romney for prezdent, three paws up.

That's how many reasons I have.  Here they are. 
Middle Master "needling" me, and pretending to be mean. 
He doesn't mean it. 

(1) We need more smelly water.  Medium Master is gone during the week, now, and only comes home on weekends.  They say he is at some place called U Dub.  He always comes home in the new car, with Running Master or the Woman driving.  They help the car drink smelly water to make it run.  (I don't know why cars like smelly water, it hurts my nose.)  And since I came to Running Master's house, four snows ago, the numbers by those big cans where they get the smelly water to put in the car's mouth have gotten bigger and bigger.  I'm thinking, "Where is all the smelly water going?  Has Obama's big airplane drunk it all?"  Or maybe people have to dig for it, like I dig for bones I've buried, and he doesn't let people dig, like Running Master sometimes doesn't let me dig. 

Anyway, if there isn't enough smelly water, I'm afraid Middle Master won't be able to come home on the weekend.  He is mean to me a lot -- pretends to eat my food, wrestles with me -- but I really like it, even though I growl.  And maybe if Romney is prezdent, smelly water will get cheaper, and I'll get to drive all the way to Canda, and the Woman can buy more dog treats. 

(2) The Deaf Sit is too big.  Humans are hard to understand when they talk about pole ticks.  When I heard them talking about the Deaf Sit, at first I thought that was a kind of silent hand signal they give you and they want you to sit down, and give you a treat, or at least pat you on the head.  Because Running Master shakes his fist when he says that word.  So every time I heard the word, even without a fist shaking, I would sit down.  I sat a lot of times, but never got a treat. 

So I watched more carefully, and listened (we dogs are good at listening, just not at understanding) and finally figured it out. 

The Deaf Sit means Merika owes other people sixteen trillyun dollars.  I think Merika is like a really big town, all those places they show on TV, with lots of people and dogs, and even some cats.  I don't know what trillyun means, but I think it's like a 50 pound sack of dog food. So that all our dogfood really belongs to someone else, and they might come and take it away some day.  And then when the humans buy another bag of dog food, they would come and take THAT away -- again and again.  Think how you would growl, and want to bite someone. 

And each family, Running Master said (not to me, but I listened), owes as much money as our whole house is worth, including the fence and the trees and the squirrels that run along the fence and the big trees where the raccoons used to hide.  So strange big men with clubs could come some day and kick us out of our house, and we wouldn't even get to growl at them.  We would have to go and live under the bridge, and take baths in the river, even when it's cold.  And everyone would be like that in all of Merka,and I don't think we have enough bridges for everyone to sleep under.   

Maybe that's why they call it a Deaf Sit.  Because you have to just sit under the bridge, when they take your house away, and they don't even let you growl. 

Romney wants to make the Deaf Sit smaller.  I don't know how he'll do that, but I think we need to try. 

It's like scratching on the gate. You never know, sometimes it opens when you scratch on it with your paw.  You need to try.   

(3) Leaders should bring the whole pack home.  We five are a little pack.  We eat dinner at the same time (them on chairs, me under the table, cause I can't sit in a chair), and sleep in the same house.  When strangers come to the gate, I bark, and the humans decide if the strangers are safe or not.  When we go hiking, we go out and come back together.  Running Master opens the back of the car, and I jump in, and sometimes Middle Master and Little Master talk to me, and sometimes I sleep because I'm tired from climbing mountains, and waiting for them to catch up. 

Merika is a really big pack, I think.  I hear on TV that there are other packs -- Turkey (I'd like to chase that one), Greece (lick lick lick!), Germany (that's where some of my ancestors come from). 

So what's my point?  I'm getting to it. 

Just before Middle Master went to U Dub, some terrists came to the gate of a Merkan house somewhere, and tried to kill everybody.  The people who lived there didn't have a dog, so the humans had to fight the terrists by themselves. 
Some other members of the Merkan pack wanted to help.  They are like good hiking buddies, they always bring members of their pack home.  But Obama said they couldn't.  Or one of Obama's friends said they couldn't, I'm not sure.  He wanted to pretend like there was no fight. Anyway, the fight went on for a long time -- as long as hiking all day in the mountains, and swimming too, and chasing a few squirrels.  They had plenty of time to bring more of our pack and beat up the terrists, shoot guns and start lawn mowers to scare them away, or maybe use light sabers like on TV.  Obama keeps saying he told his pack to help, but then he won't tell us what really happened, or why they didn't.  So the terrists killed the humans in our pack, and Obama did nothing to stop it.  Then he kept saying how he'd done everything he could, and how everything he did was right, but he wouldn't say why nobody went to help the Merkans. 

We dogs don't like this.  We are loyal to our packs.

So I think we need a new pack leader, and make the leader we have now go sit in the dog house.  

(4) Finally, of course (I thought of another), I would never vote for a Dumb Cat. .

Thank you for listening to me. 

Your faithful servant,



David B Marshall said...

Lots of views, no comments so far, even by our most dogged critics. Jake's rapire wit apparently has given the Democrats paws. Don't worry, though, his bark is worse than his bite.

Brian Barrington said...

Part of me hopes that Republicans win so that I can enjoy observing their craziness and blunders from a safe distance, just like I did with George W Bush. But the better part of me hopes that Obama wins - Republicans are currently a seriously brain-dead party and if they are in control it will be a disaster for America and Americans.

As far as I can work out, Romney has made himself somewhat competitive in the Presidential election by promising that if elected he will govern as a sensible Massachussets liberal, just as he did when governor. Effectively, Romney has thrown the right-wing nutters in his party under a bus. In order to get the Republican presidential nomination Romney had to pander to these people and say a lot of things that he knows are nonsense. The more plausible and rational Republican candidates like Chris Christie and Jeb Bush (who seems considerably smarter than his brother) just stood back from the grotesque circus of the Republican primaries – they probably reasoned that another Republican defeat might bring the party to its senses - then they then can step forward in four years time and win the nomination without having to pretend to be crazy, as Romney had to do.

Even if the Republicans scratch out a victory this time, underlying demographics mean that in their current form they are a party in serious trouble over the medium term. However, if Romney is elected the right-wing nutters will all come crawling out from their lairs for one last hurrah, and they could have a seriously negative impact.

So I will make a hopeful prediction: Obama to win with 290 electoral college votes!

David B Marshall said...

All bark and no bite this morning, I see, Brian.

Obama has been a disaster for the United States. The "free housing" program HIS party set up send the country over the personal debt cliff in 2008, and all he has done since is campaign against Bush (who actually checked the slide) and make excuses for his own abject failure. That and play golf and party with Hollywood celebrities. Now we're heading for a similiar and perhaps more disasterous PUBLIC debt crisis. Plus this is the worst "recovery" since FDR helped make the depression great.

The American people are very patient, and really wanted this guy to succeed, but enough is enough. The abject incompetence and shameless cover-up he is engaging in over Benghazi seems to be the last piece of Kibbles, as Jake observed.

You might say hi to Gen, BTW. She showed up on a couple threads, a few days ago, and gave you a wave.

David B Marshall said...

As for "brain-dead," maybe you don't see this from the other side of the Atlantic. But in this campaign, the Republicans have been about 90% serious ideas, grappling maturely with real-world problems and proposing solutions, and the Demogogues -- I mean Democrats -- have been about 99% fear-mongering, cheap libel, and interest-group divisiveness.

XAtheistX said...

I have no idea what this post was supposed to say but I do hope Obama wins. Romney is a crackpot. At least the Dems (mostly) still live in reality and not that patriarchal and brutal era called biblical times where the Republicans now reside.

David B Marshall said...

I guess Jake's arguments are just too dog-gone profound.

XAtheistX said...

Don't quit your day job... Or do since you're also a disastrous christian apologist. I think Romney's dog is probably smarter than you. No no I think it's most likely a sure thing. :-)

Brian Barrington said...

Even readers of my blog have been complaining about my all-too predictable anti-Rmoney position!

David B Marshall said...

Postscript: Our first dog was named Sandy. Much to my disappointment, it seems Sandy voted for Barack Obama.