I live with four masters: Chief Running Master, Medium Master, Little Master, and the Woman. (Little Master is not so little, anymore, but that's what I call him, and I haven't thought of a new name, yet.)
All the humans have been talking about "pole ticks" (the doctor gave me a shot for that, I think) and the "lekshun" lately, and asking about the dog's perspective. Some say a Pubcan named Romney put his dog on the roof of his car and drove him to Canda. At first I thought I hope he wins and takes me, next time -- Running Master leaves me at home when he drives to Canda, and never lets me ride on the roof. Others say a Dumb Cat named Obama ate dog on some island across the Wavy Water. He was just a pup, so I forgive him for that. But I hear all about the two candits on TV, while Running Master is cooking dinner, and would like to offer my opinion, since I guess its important to you. I always listen carefully to what humans say, so I hope you listen to my views, this time.
I would like to endorse Mitt Romney for prezdent, three paws up.
That's how many reasons I have. Here they are.
|Middle Master "needling" me, and pretending to be mean. |
He doesn't mean it.
(1) We need more smelly water. Medium Master is gone during the week, now, and only comes home on weekends. They say he is at some place called U Dub. He always comes home in the new car, with Running Master or the Woman driving. They help the car drink smelly water to make it run. (I don't know why cars like smelly water, it hurts my nose.) And since I came to Running Master's house, four snows ago, the numbers by those big cans where they get the smelly water to put in the car's mouth have gotten bigger and bigger. I'm thinking, "Where is all the smelly water going? Has Obama's big airplane drunk it all?" Or maybe people have to dig for it, like I dig for bones I've buried, and he doesn't let people dig, like Running Master sometimes doesn't let me dig.
Anyway, if there isn't enough smelly water, I'm afraid Middle Master won't be able to come home on the weekend. He is mean to me a lot -- pretends to eat my food, wrestles with me -- but I really like it, even though I growl. And maybe if Romney is prezdent, smelly water will get cheaper, and I'll get to drive all the way to Canda, and the Woman can buy more dog treats.
(2) The Deaf Sit is too big. Humans are hard to understand when they talk about pole ticks. When I heard them talking about the Deaf Sit, at first I thought that was a kind of silent hand signal they give you and they want you to sit down, and give you a treat, or at least pat you on the head. Because Running Master shakes his fist when he says that word. So every time I heard the word, even without a fist shaking, I would sit down. I sat a lot of times, but never got a treat.
So I watched more carefully, and listened (we dogs are good at listening, just not at understanding) and finally figured it out.
The Deaf Sit means Merika owes other people sixteen trillyun dollars. I think Merika is like a really big town, all those places they show on TV, with lots of people and dogs, and even some cats. I don't know what trillyun means, but I think it's like a 50 pound sack of dog food. So that all our dogfood really belongs to someone else, and they might come and take it away some day. And then when the humans buy another bag of dog food, they would come and take THAT away -- again and again. Think how you would growl, and want to bite someone.
And each family, Running Master said (not to me, but I listened), owes as much money as our whole house is worth, including the fence and the trees and the squirrels that run along the fence and the big trees where the raccoons used to hide. So strange big men with clubs could come some day and kick us out of our house, and we wouldn't even get to growl at them. We would have to go and live under the bridge, and take baths in the river, even when it's cold. And everyone would be like that in all of Merka,and I don't think we have enough bridges for everyone to sleep under.
Maybe that's why they call it a Deaf Sit. Because you have to just sit under the bridge, when they take your house away, and they don't even let you growl.
Romney wants to make the Deaf Sit smaller. I don't know how he'll do that, but I think we need to try.
It's like scratching on the gate. You never know, sometimes it opens when you scratch on it with your paw. You need to try.
(3) Leaders should bring the whole pack home. We five are a little pack. We eat dinner at the same time (them on chairs, me under the table, cause I can't sit in a chair), and sleep in the same house. When strangers come to the gate, I bark, and the humans decide if the strangers are safe or not. When we go hiking, we go out and come back together. Running Master opens the back of the car, and I jump in, and sometimes Middle Master and Little Master talk to me, and sometimes I sleep because I'm tired from climbing mountains, and waiting for them to catch up.
Merika is a really big pack, I think. I hear on TV that there are other packs -- Turkey (I'd like to chase that one), Greece (lick lick lick!), Germany (that's where some of my ancestors come from).
So what's my point? I'm getting to it.
Just before Middle Master went to U Dub, some terrists came to the gate of a Merkan house somewhere, and tried to kill everybody. The people who lived there didn't have a dog, so the humans had to fight the terrists by themselves.
We dogs don't like this. We are loyal to our packs.
So I think we need a new pack leader, and make the leader we have now go sit in the dog house.
(4) Finally, of course (I thought of another), I would never vote for a Dumb Cat. .
Thank you for listening to me.
Your faithful servant,