(Note: lower-tier candidates, please call direct for volume discounts)
"Because Charm, Truthfullness, Kindness, and Concrete Positive Achievements aren't Everything."
"Make me President, and I promise I'll obey the Law."
"You can Never have enough Spare Body Parts!"
"Frankenstein was the Real Feminist: Stop the War on Women!"
"Yeah, right. So you tell me what were you doing on the night of September 11, 2012!"
"Yes I am human! See! This is a smile!"
"The Brokest Country Ever, a Real Estate Heir who went Bankrupt Three Times: What Could Go Wrong?"
"Elect a President who will be as rude to America's enemies, as he is to Female Reporters and Ex-Wives."
"Isn't it time EVERYONE hate America?"
"Because America needs more Vulgarity!"
"Facts? Yeah, well you're ugly!"
"Don't Vote for those Inauthentic Phonys! Elect the Real Deal!"
"Because Taxes are Still way too Low!"
"Why Shouldn't We Follow Europe Down the Drain?"
"Twenty Trillion in Debt? Let's try throwing money at the problem!"
"We Need Our Grandkids' Money More Than They Will!"
"Obama was a reactionary!"
"Where has Socialism ever not worked?"
"Because you know I'll get a paycheck from you, anyway."
"Stand up, America, and take a bow! Don't be shy! What are you doing in that Wheelchair after Eight Years of Obama-Biden, anyway?"
"My Party Went to Philadelphia and all they got was this Lousy Political Hack!"
"Because we ran out of Democrats!"
"Why Don't We Elect Some Nice Guy at Random and See What Happens!"
"No, Seriously, This Really is 2016!"
"Come on, Guys. You KNOW you've always wanted a Strong Woman to Boss You Around."
"So NOW why would anyone vote for Hillary?"
"My good friend John McCain came in second, didn't he? That's not bad, in such a Big Country!"
"Let's Count Votes from ALL the World's Democracies, This Time!"
"Don't Blame Me Just Because I'm a Freshman Senator, Too!"
"Hey, it worked for the Democrats!"
"You know you want Florida!"
"You WANT my State! You NEED my State!"
"Not Nearly as Rude as Donald, Plus I Ran a State!"
"Obama Ate Broccali! Time for a Change!"